Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
