She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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