the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
