Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
