Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
