Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
