I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
