the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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