I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
