By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
