I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
