I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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