We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
