I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
