Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
