Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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