hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
