If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
