you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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