I smell stomach acid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
