the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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