I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
