Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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