A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
