are you still at the devil's house?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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