There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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