it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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