Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
