It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
