i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
did i walk over a car last night?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
