Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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