My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We left an ass print on the piano.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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