i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
