She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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