So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
