I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
