May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
