The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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