i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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