Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
