she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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