We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
