I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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