He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
