I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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