We won't sleep together?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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