Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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