Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
