I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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