just come out here and I will go home with you...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
