We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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