Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
