I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I faked an abortion last night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
